|lovers on the streets
September 16th, 2007
why we do the things we do for love sometimes
many of us have different ways of loving
some may think secretly loving is absolute stupidity, but some dont
some understand the meaning of unconditional
others dont understand the importance of it
different views of loving as well
it doesnt matter if you're smart or if you're of a higher intellectual of sorts
matters of love shows one's immaturity and maturity at the same time
i like talking to people who show a sense of maturity, really
i find it easier to get some of my points of views across easily
and i know they will listen and absorb
maybe not much acting upon, but at least they absorb
they dont just laugh it off
some questions i really cannot answer
because some, im still searching for answers on my own
it is also quite scary how, when you think of certain issues
how you find you will absolutely abhor the way she is if you hadnt already known her from the start
you wonder if she exactly feels the distance there is
or just simply THINK there isn't one because it never ever really struck her so
how influential he can be on the image portrayed to you of her
you keep reminding yourself you do not know her in the first place, you do not know her personally
you cannot judge cos you dont judge
but somehow, whatever he has ever said
seems to point to the fact that she's really one lost cause
you dont understand everything that she is doing, you dont like whatever she is doing/ has done
you find yourself questioning her personality when you place hers against the chart that spells MORALITY
big huge crosses in every box of the checklist
that's when you know, your judgemental self is answered from, answered by,
the ticks and crosses
how you do not like whatever he has been doing cos of love
and you aren't afraid to tell him so
but at the same time, you understand why he does these things he does
i know i said if i were in his shoes, i wouldn't choose to do the things he has been doing
but what if, just what if, one fine day in the life of reality, im living it all
i have a feeling i might fall into the traps of love as well
i write letters not meant to be read, do things not meant to be known
but i say prayers hoping God will hear
i wish he does what he deems best for all of us, and not just fulfill
i dislike the way you torment sometimes
yet im thankful for the moments of torment
for you will always, teach us this something that none other could teach
|in his arms she fell as her hair came down
March 26th, 2007
As we slowly venture into adulthood, our conversations seem to become more 'adult' in a way i feel
it's like exposing yourself to something you haven't exactly touched upon
for example, you don't really pay attention to certain topics until one day you find yourself questioning the topic cos you are in the topic itself
talking to 28yearold's and 38yearold's,
i find myself immersing in their adult world of different generation gaps
how sometimes i feel like i zone out of their conversations cos i will be wondering, if i were to be 27 and hit a booming 38 when i grow old, will i think exactly like them?
they stopped talking cos they didnt want to corrupt my poor inncocent brain with too much adulthood info. this is the kind of adulthood talk we will slowly be changing to have
growing up scares me sometimes
i really miss him.
as much as im glad to still have him there for me when i need him
for the very random occassional coaxing to bed cos it is six am and thunder streaks fill my room with the howling of the wind
i think i truly believe in fate
it is something special between two people that just happens very effortlessly
not like when you fall asleep and wake up to find the person in question having a notion to take on a conversation but has gone offline by the time you find yourself wanting to reply
the one person ive moved on from whom i didnt have fate with.
you know dear,
you made me change my perspective towards many things. the ability to see myself doing things i thought i couldnt possibly have done. to have that extra courage and that extra faith. believing in fate, believing that distance doesnt matter so long as our hearts still stay the same.
i mean it so i said this to you, i didnt know what quite sparked up my need to want to express exactly this to you, quite a while ago.
"so long as you still love me, i will not let you go. but if one day, you tell me you dont love me anymore, i will let you go."
this is the kind of courage i think ive been talking about myself. for someone who had a phobia to mouth those 3 words that meant so much more than just words to me in the past, and having those words come straight right out of my mouth.
she said, you pick up the pieces of love along the way.
i think i get it now.
|of something sweet-smelling
March 17th, 2007
maybe you were right ting.
i need to start treating myself better. try, not stop. try not to put myself in messy sticky situations that lack mutual understanding and the way people work.
i am always the peacemaker. helping too many people and suffocating all the blame
cos i realise it doesnt really help if no one's there to be one in the first place
people tell me everything. and im standing in the middle
trying to be partial, not too much biased. all that analysing which sometimes give me a headache. all that assuming and wondering
it's worrying to know that you contain so many secrets of others, so many lies and tell-tales
i wont call it a burden, it's just worrying.
ting says be nice only to people who are nice to you
meaning to say, you dont really have to be nice to everyone
i know deep down who are the ones i keep, who are the ones i just make out to keep
but it's difficult to thin the line within in reality at times
so you just bunch up everything into one
it's harder so - when you just look at the good of everyone else instead of the bad
maybe if i pushed myself to look at the bad, things might actually turn out simpler, somehow
i just feel it's getting harder and harder to play this balancing game which not many play
i need to tell myself that it's okay to be angry
cos i never found a need to be angry. just perhaps sum it up into dissappointment.
that anger has to be released somewhere.
ive pent up 12 years worthful of anger ever since the word 'friends' came about.
i need to treasure the ones who tells you nice things all the time, even if it's advice to change something that requires some tweaking in you, they do it in a very matter-of-factly way, asking you 'what do you think?' and the ones asking you to follow your heart. who are there to support you no matter what and not try and put you down just for the fun of it. and even if they disapprove of a certain issue like getting a top which is ugly to them, they dont show it but you know it. you know it in you cos you know them too well. and they know you too well to know that you will actually know what they actually mean. the ones who hugs you. notice how your mouth is lying but your eyes aren't. telling you - 'i know you are lying melia'. the ones who really care, worry about you and you know it. the ones who take the time to drop by even if it's for 30seconds of your saying hi-bye to cos they need to return to work. the ones who say 'i love you' and you know they mean it. whom you want to linger for a while longer just to get some things out and into a listening ear.
we should all live life knowing there are such angels around
March 6th, 2007
i think. i under-use this journal extremely
it harbours all my hopes, more of my sorrows, tinge of my happiness
i cant really decide if diaryland or lj reflects my persona more
i had a bad day yesterday
wish i could sing a sad song and turn it around
i did actually. i placed our song on replay on my journey way back home
just when i thought, i might be able to survive horrendous results and move on, my mom somehow thinks that not giving a good cry over it won't do - i suppose. sometimes, i really dont understand her. or, i never did. all i remember of her, is being unreasonable and when such things arrise or mounts, i remind myself that she's unreasonable always and then things will soon be fine. can you imagine if i bring this mentality of mine to my graveyard?
what was your mom like?
oh. she's always unreasonable
what's with parents and universities? Business over Art? practicality over passion?
i thought all along. i had support. that my passion for Art was worth it.
guess not. ive been in this fairytale-believing for too long
i appreciate opinions. i dont like robotic controls over my life.
i told her i know what im doing.
she said. a few months ago, you told me that too.
simple as said, my results didnt show for her. well done
i kind of miss dance. the thing that came between me and results
the stage / extensions / freedom / expression.
dont fight love darling. you're not the only one in love
dont take away my emo glory, i wanna steal your thoughts
mentally. not physically.
i love you
February 11th, 2007
for coming into my life, never failing to make me smile from the bottom of my heart. for just simply loving and giving
for loving me first. and accepting that i have not yet learnt to love you that much at that point of time. for making me experience how there may actually be sparks lurking in pure comfort zone.
|flames to dust; lovers to friends
December 8th, 2006
a friend asked me, if we would ever grow out of thinking too much
and i told him - that we probably wouldnt. not in our lifetime.
but if it helps, we're all in this together
flames to dust
lovers to friends
why do all good things come to an end
(or are we just presuming it's the end in all our different situations?)
have been reading. hopping to some places. trying to put myself out there to understand what is going on in the lives of others, friends strangers likewise.
and it's strange how im always greeted with the same phenomena
when everything was going right, well, everything was just going right
yet when things turn sour, people start to push the blame on others. it's always HIS/HER fault and not MY fault.
i guess in a way or another, it's like a way to obliterate the burden that's weighing
of knowing and realising that something is wrong
and it's like an excuse to escape from any wrongdoings
how convenient ain't it? to just push the blame
we turn our sorrow to someone else's misery
let's be honest after all. we all go through a love relationship cos we on a certain basis, know that there's a level of understanding and liking to anyone who's in question. (unless you belong under the category of flings and one-night-stands)
a situation arises, it gets resolved eventually
perhaps it may involve some cold wars, perhaps some shouting at or arguments
but nevertheless, it gets resolved somehow
and we either end up with a stronger molecule or two atoms floating apart
simple as that
well, maybe not so simple
yet, there is no need for hatred of any sort. that's one thing i dont get why many dont understand
it's like buying a brand new bag or something
at the very beginning, you get to show it off. people admire you. seeing how much care you take into consideration by say, not putting it on the ground, for fear of dirtying it. not putting it out of sight, for fear of others stealing it away. you get protective at times, it's understandable.
then one day, something happens. someone accidentally dirtied your bag and you decided to push the blame to that someone and your bag becomes of less worth to you.
and you forget. people forget.
that once, you spent so much time admiring the bag from afar, behind windows, behind shields
when finally at hand, you attain it. and it's cos you like it too much to resist.
maybe this analogy does not work on materialistic items cos these items of wealth do not contain feelings of any sort.
but this liking attained does not cease at any certain cause
and eventually when you part, it's always because of a reason
you dont have to hate the reason, or try to fight against that reason
everything happens for a reason, doesnt it?
maybe you have thought about it for quite some time, and still insistent that all this cause is a resultance of the other party. yet, have you ever asked yourself, what are you trying to prove here?
if it's to settle your guilt and doubt, knowing it individually is sufficient enough
you dont have to go all the way out just to prove to the whole world that fact
by splashing vulgarities on blogs or even post-secrets to prove your point
really, is it necessary?
i only understand why certain people do that
undeniably in the cases of rape
that's one that CAN'T be forgiven
all good things may come to an end, but they still stay somehow
hidden in our thoughts
probably a reason why i tend to think too much into things
to search for the once 'good things' to replace any 'bad ones'
i beg to differ
i think im rather normal
it's just how different people view normality differently that makes me weird
|Reflection and Reality melts
November 22nd, 2006
we're back to being strangers
just give it a little more time
after this year,
we'll be back to being strangers
i will know i dont really mean anything to you at all
|come down to me
October 27th, 2006
one day i'll write a song - an emo one
and i'll write my lifestory down cos ive felt too much emo-ness in a mere 18years of life
the lyrics will remind us of what we've done together,
when we were happy, when we were sad, of all the cold wars, of all the close proximity
the tune will sound like that tinkling feeling I get when we are close
the basebeat will sound like your breathing and the way the rain falls outside
one day i'll write an emo song
one day i'll choreograph a dance - another lyrical one
a dance that will emote the feelings we have had for each other
and i will dance to that emo song ive written
do a twirl and land in your arms, execute a spin away from you
along with some fast beats here and there and too many spins that make one dizzy watching
but on the whole, still beautiful
one day i'll choreograph another lyrical dance
one day i'll paint the walls - in cool tonal colours
purple, bluish-grey, blue-green, violet blue with whites and blacks
it'll be abstract. maybe with a flower at a corner
and then the background swirls of sinuous lines with a variety of thickness to the outlines
my future house will have a room with walls painted by me
one day i'll paint the walls abstract
i dont understand why sometimes i think of you, i cry
but do know that all my tears for you are worthwhile
and i'll cry for you anytime, cos you're worth all that crying over.
|Why does it rain
October 21st, 2006
one shouldn't speak to me about love or much less, challenge me with the notion of love
i feel ive been through possibly enough to know what the meaning of these four letters can mean
maybe not much, some might feel, just cos i havent exactly been in many relationships to begin with
yet loving does not always necessarily mean being with in the very first place.
i've learnt what it's like to trust
what it's like to cry and feel sad about
what it's like to love unconditionally and not asking for anything in return
and above all, i think ive learnt
how it's like to do something against my will, yet NOT knowing i will regret in future
but knowing i WONT regret it in future.
bound to this constant struggle but it's okay
cos once the pain is over, i wont look upon this pain any longer in future
so im doing what's best for myself
im like putting my heart through an emotional rollercoaster
knowing i may feel like as though the whole world is not by my side right now
but i'll be alright in future, i know i will
there's a reason why ive taken a liking to Disney since young
maybe it's the way my heart has been accustomed since i was a child
always smiling so innocently at the words 'happily ever after'
i knew right away, nothing was too good to be true
but Disney made me cherish this hope, one way or another
i didnt know loving someone could be THIS hard.
it really doesnt matter if you dont act upon or do anything about it,
i will save myself in time, dont worry about me
cos im just being
|What hurts the most, is being so close
October 13th, 2006
you'll still mess up my hair like nothing was ever wrong
and we'll still laugh along with all the silliest things we've ever accomplished
but someone, a possible stranger,
keeps re-occuring in my dreams
I'm playing a waiting game
waiting for that soulmate of mine to appear
cos im quite sure he hasnt stepped into my life yet
i'll know if he does, i think.
|give anything i'll do for you.
September 18th, 2006
i remember doing this a year ago
and it made the person i love - happy (:
1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I lovable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger, weaker, or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
|take my love through the night
September 17th, 2006
to put it in simple terms,
i dont know how to love you anymore.
cos loving you now as it is,
is not and never sufficient in my eyes
i wish i gave you more
but this is all that i can give you. in reality.
i wish i gave you more
has brought me on this arduous journey
and time and time again
as though if it were a punishment for pushing you away
guiding your path along someone else's
i open a book, flip the pages to your page
slot the letter you wrote for me as a page reminder
and close the chapter with pain in my heart
cos i dont know how to love you anymore
but thankyou for this love
a love that has taught me much
it teaches, it upbrings. it breaks, it despairs
you make me happy. you make me cry
you bring happiness to the extreme, so much so i cry
and after so long,
i realise i still love you
it's a fact i cant deny anymore
love stands on different grounds
love - is watching someone like you be happy from afar
(and smile within to know you are happy)
love - is knowing how every single tiniest thing can mean so much
when others just dont see how much it means
so thankyou for this love
you have brought out in me for you
but i really
dont know how to love you anymore
cos i no longer can love you the way i want to.
|and all i ever did was wish
September 10th, 2006
the could-have-been's and might-have-been's
add them all up and label them under the category of regrets
shove them aside, forget about them
'cos they were meant to be forgotten anyway
such love in delusion
you dont put the words you say to play
stall and drag, soon it comes to a halt
waving and parting ways; forgetting a goodbye hug
say mean things; forgetting that they hurt
i wonder if you would ever then,
leave an autograph during gruduation
leave a poignant mark in my life
leave a smile on my face
leave a tear in my eye
leave me with movie stubs
a hug so long ago i have forgotten how warm it used to be
forget about me.
you said you wouldnt,
i bring forward the words ive said -
'you dont put the words you say to play'
another toy-story tale maybe.
|take you so high then leave you lost
September 5th, 2006
Thanks for taking the test !
|you chose BX - your Enneagram type is NINE. |
"I am at peace"
Peacemakers are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.
How to Get Along with Me
- If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure.
- I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advantage of this.
- Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.
- Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally.
- Ask me questions to help me get clear.
- Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery.
- Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.
- I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.
- Let me know you like what I've done or said.
- Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.
What I Like About Being a Nine
- being nonjudgmental and accepting
- caring for and being concerned about others
- being able to relax and have a good time
- knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around
- my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
- my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
- being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe
What's Hard About Being a Nine
- being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
- being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
- being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
- being confused about what I really want
- caring too much about what others will think of me
- not being listened to or taken seriously
Nines as Children Often
- feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
- tune out a lot, especially when others argue
- are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves
Nines as Parents
- are supportive, kind, and warm
- are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective
Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele
The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
Harper SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages
You liked the test? so please don't forget to RATE it...
but remember! it had only two questions!!! ;-)
you wanna know MORE?
so check out, what Wikipedia says about your type...
...even more you'll find in Google
or do you prefer to
You are not completely happy with the result?!
You chose BX
Would you rather have chosen: AX (SEVEN)
|My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:|
||You scored higher than 27% on ABC|
||You scored higher than 16% on XYZ|
|Always on your side
September 3rd, 2006
My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side
Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But your demons and your angels reappeared
Leavin' all the traces of the man you thought you'd be
Leavin' me with no place left to go from here
Leavin' me so many questions all these years
But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be
Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side
But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are we left to wonder, all alone, eternally
But is this how it's really meant to be
No is it how it's really meant to be
Well if they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
If butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wondering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side
|will you still love me in the morning?
August 27th, 2006
i realise you're not someone i need
you're someone i want
and then i put the blame on myself
for wanting too much of material goods
likening you to a brand cos you hold a name so special
creating an icon out of you with nicknames
then, standing afar and admiring
and taking in the concept of 'so near yet so far'
knowing i wont ever have the money to attain that physical feel anymore
cos you're priceless.
no price-tag attached
no strings attached
you are priceless to me
|lie with me and just forget the world
August 7th, 2006
001: Real Name - Amelia Koh
002. Nickname - melia.
003. Single or taken - Single
004. Zodiac Sign - Aquarius
005. Male or Female - Female
006. Elementary School - Rulang Primary
007. Ipod - Video 30GB
008. How many buddies on your list - no idea how many
009. friendster name - melia.
010. Hair Color - black
012. Hair Long or Short - long
014. Eye Color - brownish-black
015. Are you health freak - i dont really care when it comes to FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD.
016. Height - 159cm
017. Do you have a crush on someone - nah, eye-candies - yes
018. Do you like yourself - i guess so.
019. Braces? - never had them. although one tooth is sticking out like a sore-thumb
020. Think you're awesome? - not quite
021. Piercings - ears
022. Tattoo - never, fake ones maybe?
024. Surgery - nearly.
025. First piercing - just this year haha
026. First best friend - cant rmb her name, back in childhood days
027. First Award - primary sch. helpful badge. it was the rage in yester-years
028. First Sport You Joined - track.
029. First pet - fish
030. First vacation - Genting Highlands, haha. mom said it was Australia, no recollections of it though
031. First Concert - never really been to one i guess
032. First love - it was a short one, but memorable.
033. Favorite movie - Matilda, Parent Trap and really many more. i cant even start listing.
034. Favorite tv show - the OC
035. Color - purple
036. Music - love songs.
039. Drink - hazelnut shakes, rhumba frap
040. Body part not on the face - hands i guess
041. Cartoon - xmen, captain planet! haha, my little pony (way long ago seriously)
042. Favorite piece of clothing - JEANS. cant live without them.
043. Brand Of Clothing - im fine with anything.
044. What do you sleep with - a pillow and a bolster, with an alarm clock
045. Favorite School - NYGH. always.
046. Favorite Animal(s) - dolphins
047. Favorite Book - a walk to remember
048. Favorite Magazine - CLEO
049. Eating - just
050. I'm drinking - nope
052. I'm about to - turn in
053. Listening to - Mad World by Gary Jules
055. Waiting For - iTunes to load.
056. Watching - the screen
057. Wearing - dancework2001 tank + fbts
058. Want Kids - yeah.
059. Want to Get Married - definitely
060. Careers in Mind - entrepreneurship, illustration editor for magazines, hotel management
Which is better with the Opposite Gender
068. Lips or Eyes - eyes
069. Hugs or Kisses - kisses. actually, both.
070. Shorter or Taller - taller. just nice
072. Romantic or Spontaneous - both.
073. Nice stomach or nice arms - nice abs you mean
074. Sensitive or Loud - sensitive, definitely. anytime.
075. Hook-up or Relationship - a genuine relationship
076. Sweet or Caring - both.
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant - irrelevent. (agreed)
Have you ever
078. Kissed a Stranger - nope
079. Drank bubbles - no
080. Lost glasses/contacts - misplace more like it.
081. Ran Away From Home - almost.
082. Broken a bone - never
083. Got an X-ray - too many-a-times
084. Broken Someone's Heart - i think so
086. Turned Someone Down - i guess so
087. Cried When Someone Died - yeah i did. on-screen and off-screen.
088. Cried at school - yeah
Do You Believe In
089. God - yes
090. Miracles - yes.
091. Love at first sight - maybe
093. Aliens - nah
094. Magic - maybe
095. Heaven - i'd like to.
096. Santa Claus - im not a child
097. Sex on the first date - never.
098. Kissing on the First Date - light peck, maybe
099. Angels - maybe
100. Is There someone You Want To be with right now? - nah
|slow and steady rush
July 28th, 2006
If you comment on this post,
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a colour that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory about you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. You must post this on yours
|the blanks left empty
June 29th, 2006
I _____ you. You have a nice______. You make me _______. You
should _______. Someday I will ______. You + me =________.
If I saw you now I'd __________. I would build a _______ just
for you. If I could sing you any song it would be _________.
We could __________ under the stars.
.comments gladly welcomed.
the more the merrier (: